Category: Religious Jokes

Four nuns are out driving in the church Rambler, headed back to the convent after a night of bingo. It's a rainy night. Regretfully, the car spun out of control, plunged off a cliff, and they all died.

When they arrived at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter said, "Nun number one, what did you sin when you were alive?"

"Well, I once saw a man's penis," she replied.

"Good grief. Take some of the holy water, wash out your eyes, and come on in. We'll let you slide this time."

"Nun number two, what did you sin when you were alive?"

"Well, I once touched a man's penis," she replied.

"Oh Lord. Take some of the holy water, wash out your eyes and your hands, and come on in."

Nun number four then skipped in front of nun number three, and said, "Excuse me, I'd like to gargle before she sits in that water!"

Category: Miscellaneous Jokes

How do you find a blind man at a nudist colony?

It isn't hard.

Category: Marriage Jokes

THE TROUBLE WITH HARRY
CONTRIBUTED BY HARRY F FROM CRANSTON RHODE ISLAND AND PROVIDENCE PLANTATIONS

Every night, after dinner Harry took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened.

His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him for his constant nights out and coming home in a drunken state. But, Harry continued his nightly routine.

One day the wife was talking to a friend about her husband’s behavior and was particularly distraught by it all. The friend listened to her and then said, "Why don’t you treat him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don’t you give him some loving words and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways." The wife thought that might be a good idea.

That night Harry took off again after dinner. About midnight he arrived home in his usual condition. His wife heard him at the door, quickly went to it and opened the door to let Harry in. This time, instead of berating him as she had always done, she took his arm and led him into the living room. She sat him down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him and started to cuddle him a little. After a little while, she said to him, "It’s pretty late dear. I think we had better go upstairs to bed now, don’t you think?"

At that, Harry replied in his inebriated state, "I guess we might as well. I'll be getting in trouble with the stupid wife when I get home anyway!"

Visiting hour at Rhode Island Hospital are from 5 – 7 pm after he comes out of his coma.

Category: Miscellaneous Jokes

Life is like a shit sandwich...

The more bread you have, the less shit you will have to eat!