A guy was watching the game, drinking a few beers and popping beer nuts into his mouth, when his wife began yelling at him. He turned his head toward her and accidentally popped a beer nut into his ear. Both him and his wife tried and tried but neither could get it out. All right she said, lets get you to the hospital. As they walked outside their daughter and her boyfriend walked up and she asked, where are you and dad going. The mother said, we're off to the hospital, your father has a beer nut caught in his ear. The boyfriend then asked, before you go can I try to dislodge it. The boyfriend then stuck two fingers up the fathers nose and told him to blow. The father blew and out popped the beer nut. The mother then asked the father, our daughters boyfriend is so intelligent, what do you think he'll be when he grows up. The father replied, by the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law.

A guy goes into a bar and sits down. The bartender asks what he will have and the guy says he will have a beer AND a shot. "Big night?" asked the barkeep. "I'll say. I just had my first blowjob tonight!" The bartender says "That's great! These drinks will be on the house!" As he puts them down, the guys says "Thanks! These should help get the taste out of my mouth

There was a bar advertising a contest and a man walked in to find out what the contest was for. The bartender said it is for anyone who could make my horse laugh wins fifty dollars. So the man asked where the horse was the bartender said out back in the barn. The man went out to the barn when he returned he told the bartender the horse was laughing the bartender went out and sure enough the horse was. About a month later the same man was passing the bar and they were having another contest and the man wanted to see what it was so he went in. The bartender said the horse had not stopped laughing since he was last there. The new contest was for who could make him stop got 100 dollars. The man went to the barn and came back and told the bartender that the horse was crying and the bartender went to check. When he returned he paid the man and asked how he had done that. The man replied that the first time I told the horse I had a bigger dick than he did, the second time I proved it.

A somewhat strange guy walks into a bar. The bartender notices him and watches as the man walks up to a group of men at a table and starts talking to them. The man then gets up and goes to the bartender and says..."I bet you $500 that I can piss in that shot glass on the back wall without spilling a drop." The bartender, thinking he could make himself a quick $500 takes the bet. The man then unzips his pants and starts pissing all over the bartender and the bar. He pisses on everything but the shot glass. When he is finished the bartender says,” well I guess you owe me $500." The man walks back over to the table and comes back and gives the bartender $500 the bartender then ask..."How did you get that money from them?" The man replies..."Well I just bet them $2,000 that I could piss all over you and your bar and you wouldn't get mad."