Hillary Clinton dies and goes to Heaven. She meets St. Peter at the Gates, and notices thousands of clocks. "What are all these clocks for?" she asks St. Peter. "Each person has one," he replied. "They start at midnight, and every time someone tells a lie, it moves ahead one minute. This one is Mother Teresa's. She never lied, so it never moved. This one is George Washington's. He told only two, so it is at two minutes past midnight."
Hillary looks around and asks, "So, where is Bill's clock?" "Oh ,"St. Peter chuckled, "Jesus has that one in his office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

The wives of four presidents and prime minister are talking together about how a penis is called in their language. The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman, because it stands up when women are entering.

The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a patriot, because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on the back side.

The wife of Chirac says in France you call it a curtain, because it goes down after the act.

Well, the wife of Clinton says in the USA you call it a rumor, because it goes from mouth to mouth

Hilary is not feeling well. She goes to her doctor and gets a complete physical, only to find out that she is pregnant. She is furious and can't believe this has happened. She calls the White House and gets Bill on the phone, and immediately begins to berate him, screaming: "How could you have let this happen? With all of the trouble going on right now, you go and get me pregnant!!! How could you?!

I just found out I am pregnant and it is your fault! How could you??? What have you got to say???"

There is nothing but silence on the phone. She screams again: "CAN YOU HEAR ME???

Bill's quiet voice comes on in a barely audible whisper..."Who is this?"

Bill and Monica are in the Whitehouse when Bill invites Monica into the Oval office because he wants to show her a clock. While in the office Clinton pulls down his pants and whips out his unit.
Monica gasps, Mr. Clinton that's not a clock, it's a cock!

Bill replies, well Monica if you put 2 hands and a face on it, it's a clock