A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its Best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

One day there were two college students in a poetry contest. One was a respected English major from Harvard and the other was from the boonies in the south. They were the final contestants when the judges said," Okay, now you have to say a poem and end it in Timbuktu." So the English Major steps up and says," Camels move across the sand, on like a caravan, on to Timbuktu." The judges clap and tales their scores. Next the student from the boonies steps up and says," A hunting' me and Tim went, we found some whore's in a pop up tent, them was three and we was two, I buck one and TIM BUCK TWO."

An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of
students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class. There are two
things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have
no fear. Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse's anus and
licked it. Now you must do the same, he told the class.
After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed.
Second, the professor continued, you must have an acute sense of observation.
For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this man's anus, but licked my index finger?

A University student was in school and now wrote this letter home.
Dear Daddy,
How are you sir?
School is hard and if you don't send money suicide is contemplated.
The reply from the father was:
Dear Son,
I hope every thing is OK. Condition at home is more critical Suicide is approved.