HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:
1. Compliment her, 2. cuddle her, 3. kiss her, 4. caress her, 5. love her, 6. stroke her, 7. tease her, 8. comfort her, 9. protect her, 10. hug her, 11. hold her, 12. spend money on her, 13. wine & dine her, 14. buy things for her,
15. listen to her, 16. care for her, 17. stand by her, 18. support her, 19. go to the ends of the earth for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN: 1.Show up naked. a). Bring beer.

1. Between the ages of 13 and 18, she is like Africa...virgin and unexplored.
2. Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia...hot and exotic.
3. Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America... fully explored, breathtakingly beautiful, and free with her resources.
4. Between the ages of 46 and 58, she is like Europe...exhausted, but still has many points of interest.
5. After 58 she is like Australia...everybody knows it's down there but who gives a damn.

slack or not???

Three girls are sitting on stools at a bar. The 3 of them are arguing on who is the slackest. The first one says: "My boyfriend can put his whole fist in my pussy!!!" The second one says: "Oh ya? Well my boyfriend can put his whole head in my pussy!" The two of them then look at the third one, waiting for her to reply. She then looks at them and says: "Oops! There goes the stool!!!"

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.

He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."

"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."

When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"