“I’d like to buy some gloves for my girlfriend,” the young man said to the attractive woman, “but I don’t know her size. “Does this help?” she asked, placing her hand in his. “Oh, yes,” he answered. “Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours.” “Will there be anything else?” the clerk queried as she wrapped the gloves. “Now that you mention it,” he replied, “she needs a bra and panties…”

Two local citizens were having a bit of a difference. “I wouldn’t vote for you if you were Saint Peter,” roared one. “Yeah?” yelled the other. “If I was Saint Peter you wouldn’t live in my district.”

Two women having lunch together are discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery. The first woman says, “I need to be honest with you, I’m getting a boob job.” The second woman says “Oh that’s nothing, I’m thinking of having my ass…. bleached!” To which the first replies, “Whoa I just can’t picture your husband as a blonde!”

The successful young rock star ordered a very expensive custom-made suit, but was totally dissatisfied with the finished garment. “I told you to make the pants snug,” he furiously remarked to the tailor. “I want them tight enough to show my sex.”
“But sir,” the tailor protested, “but if they were any tighter, they’d show your religion.”