An old farmer in Georgia had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked."
"I'm here to feed the alligator."

Moral: Old age and cunning will triumph over youth and enthusiasm every time.

A young woman had lost her precious puppy. She pinned up signs and posters and went door-to-door asking about her precious puppy. When she came to a door, a man appeared and asked, “What are you doing here? “She asked back, “Have you seen my Titswiggle? "The man replied with a red face," Yes, I watch you through my bedroom window before I go to bed."

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the mirror: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping-Love you!"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door." "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I
have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady! I'm married!"

Broken furniture - $855.26
Hot Breakfast - $4.20
Red Rose bud -$3.00
Two Aspirins -$0.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Priceless.

Heaven was getting crowded so St. Peter decided to ask people questions to get in.
St. Peter asked the first man, "Who was the first man?"
The man answered, “Adam"
St. Peter said, "Enter"
The next person was asked, "Where did Adam and Eve live"
"Eden"
St. Peter said: “Enter"
Then Mother Theresa came. St. Peter said, "I am going to give you
a hard one. What did Eve say when she first saw Adam?"
Mother Theresa said, "Hmmmm, that IS a hard one."