A ventriloquist got a gig at the local pub, and went through his usual routine, but half way through his blonde jokes a 260 lb blonde stood up and shouted, “These jokes are discriminating to blondes. It's people like you who stop us reaching our full potential in life and to achieve our very best. “Just as the embarrassed ventriloquist started to apologize, the blonde shouts at the ventriloquist, “you stay out of this, I’m talking to that jerk on your knee."

Q:Why did the blonde take a ruler with her to sleep?
A: She wanted to measure how long she slept.

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever.

A blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in the backyard. A bird flew over them and pooped on his head, “Shit,” the man said. “Get some toilet paper.”
“What for?” said the girl. “He must be a mile away by now.”