A policeman was escorting a prisoner to jail when his hat blew off. “Shall I run and get it for you?” asked the prisoner obligingly.
“You must thing I’m dumb,” said the officer. “You stand here and I’ll get it.”

A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender tells him, I’m sorry we don't serve beer to bears at this bar. The disgruntled bear sits at the bar for about ten minutes and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender say's I’m sorry we don't serve beer to bears at this bar. This makes the bear very mad, so the bear say's bartender if you don't serve me a beer I will eat the woman sitting at the end of the bar. The bartender say's once again, I’m sorry we don't serve beer to bears at this bar. This makes the bear very angry, so he goes to the end of the bar and starts chomping down the woman. The bartender sees the commotion and immediately dials 911.In a short while the police show up and take the bear into custody. On the way out to the police car the bear protests and asks, hey what are you arresting me for? Drugs the police responded. Drugs exclaimed the bear; all I did was eat a woman. Well that was a bar-bitch-u-ate
answered the policeman.

A policeman pulls a lady over for speeding and says, "Ma'am do you realize you were going 75mph in a school zone? “The woman replies "Oh no I didn’t notice that I was too busy carrying around these big breasts." She pulls her shirt up so the cop could see. “Well ma'am now I have to give you tickets for 'Indecent exposure' and 'attempted bribery’. She looks offended rather than worried" Why weren’t you dazzled by my huge breasts?” She asks. The cop replies, "Well ma'am all I have to say to that is 'ever wonder why male cops always wear such tight pants?’

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Jaguar XK-8 in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along, too close to the curb, and completely tore off the driver's door of the Jag. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911. In less than five minutes, a policeman pulled up. Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Jag, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again. After the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. I can't believe how materialistic you high rolling' lawyers are, he said. You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else. How can you say such a thing? asked the lawyer. The cop replied, didn’t you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you. OH MY GOD, screamed the lawyer, My Rolex!!!!