At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true, “he bellowed "that u accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said,"sir please answer the question". "Oh,"the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you"

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
A: One of them is a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other one is just a fish.

When asked, "What is a contingent fee?" a lawyer answered, "A contingent fee to a lawyer means, if I don't win your suit, I get nothing. If I do win it, you get nothing."

If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
It might be your bicycle.