Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back a monster?
A: A zipper.

A man wakes up one morning and upon looking in the mirror he sees what looks like the end of a penis growing out of his forehead. Deeply concerned he immediately calls his doctor and explains the problem.
The doctor tells him “put some cream on it and get a good night’s rest; if it’s not better in the morning come and see me”.
The next morning he looks in the mirror only to find he can now see the full head of a penis protruding out of his forehead. He immediately rushes to the doctor.
When the doctor sees him he says, ”I’ve only heard about one other case like this and this is the medication prescribed to him. Take this for ten days and come back to see me”.
After ten days of medication the man goes back to the doctor and now has a full penis growing out of his forehead.
The doctor takes one look and says, “well I really don’t know what to tell you”.
The man visibly upset says, “What do you mean you don’t know what to tell me. You mean for the rest of my life I’m going to wake up look in the mirror and see a penis growing out of my forehead”?
The doctor replies, “No, no, no probably just for the next two weeks…by then the balls should cover your eyes”.

Two housewives met in the local supermarket. One had filled her shopping cart with Vaseline. She explained, “they are going to raise the price so, I’m stocking up.”
The other woman replied, “I’d never go to such extremes to save money. I’m not that tight.”

An elderly gentleman went to his doctor and ask for some viagra pills, the doctor, ask how many do you want, the old gent said oh about five and cut them in quarters, the doctor said they won't do you any good that small. The old gent said, I am too old for sex, all I want them for is to make it stick out far enough so I wont pee on my shoes.