Q: What did the Elephant say to the naked man?

A: That's cute, but can it pick up peanuts?

Freddie can't get an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are not working and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery. Hesitant Freddie asks about the procedure and the doctor explains they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephant's trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best. Freddie says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even more frightening, so he says ok. The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later he gives Freddie the go ahead to "try out his new equipment".
Freddie takes his wife out to dinner to celebrate. While at dinner Freddie starts feeling an
incredible pressure in his pants. It gets unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants. No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs an apple from the fruit basket, and disappears back into his pants.
His wife sits in shock for a few moments, and then gets a sly look on her face.
She says, "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful look on his face, Freddie says, "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another apple up my ass."

Q. Why do women have two sets of lips?
A. One for bitching, and one for apologizing!

Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A: We better get some support or people will think we're nuts.