Three men stood before a judge on a charge of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park.
Judge: What were you doing?
1st man: Oh, just throwing peanuts in the pond.
Judge: And what were you doing?
2nd man: I was throwing peanuts in the pond, too.
Judge: Sounds harmless. And you, were you throwing peanuts in the pond as well?
3rd man: No, sir. I AM Peanuts!

10. When you start an argument, he calls for back-up
9. Refers to bedroom as "The Pokey"
8. Secret desire to see you in a Kevlar nightie
7. Calls farting his "silent alarm"
6. The obvious night-stick reference.
5. You never hear him say, " OH, Man.... not donuts again !!"
4. Refers to his winkie as "the ol' breathalyzeer!"
3. Stops you in the middle of sex to ask you if you knew how fast you were going.
2. Handcuffs don't turn him on anymore.
1. YES, that IS a gun in his pocket!

There once was a woman who had a cat called Pussy. One Sunday afternoon Pussy ran away. The woman looked everywhere but couldn't find Pussy so she called up the Police Station. She gave them Pussy's details (black and fluffy). They suggested if she did not find her in a week she could come and talk to them at the Police Station. A week passed and the Police didn't call so the woman went to the Police Station. Thinking the Police knew all about it she carelessly asked the first man she saw "Have you seen my Pussy? ". He replied, "No, no I haven't". She then asked "Well, she’s black and fluffy are you sure you haven't seen her?” " Well " the Policeman replied. " We could easily fix that, how about tonight???""

While driving along the highway, a motorist was surprised to see a police officer motioning for him to pull off the road. The man drove onto the shoulder and rolled down his window. “What’s the matter, officer? Was I going too fast?”
“No, bud – it is your wife! She fell out of the car two exits back!”
The man sighed. “I’ll be! I thought I’d gone deaf!”