An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your county and then sue the landowners for lots of money?" Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law. "No, no," one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks."

WELCOME TO PAKISTAN INTERNATIONAL AIRLINES!

"Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain Pervez, welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board of Pakistan International Airlines.

We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery.

This is flight 717 to Karachi. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in Pakistan. And, if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!

PIA has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our passengers have reached their destination.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off!

To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary McDonalds burgers. We have been given that free of cost by McDonalds, as all their restaurants in any case have been bombed in Pakistan.

For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Emirates Airline, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If however, we go a little too close, do let us know.
Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase."

An Englishwoman just back from the United States was telling her friends about the trip.
"When my husband first saw the Grand Canyon, his face dropped a smile," she said.
"Why was he disappointed with the view?"
"No, he fell over the edge."

There was an old man in France who used to get up every morning at five A.M.
He would then go and sprinkle a white powder on the roads.
When he was asked what he was sprinkling on the roads, he answered that it was elephant powder.
The person then remarked "But everybody knows that there are no elephants in France!" 
to which he answered "I guess it must be working then!"