Q: What did the monkey say when he got his tail caught in the lawn mower?
A: It won't be long now.

A young lad was tired of the farm life; so off he went, and joined the Navy. His first cruise took him to the south pacific, where upon stopping at some island he found himself a parrot, He took it back to the ship with him, and kept it aboard ship. After 20+ years he retired from the Navy, so off him and his parrot went. Back to farm land. He decided he should get himself a chicken farm and sell young chickens and eggs. This he did, lo and behold the first morning at 6 o’clock, the parrot commenced yelling, “six bells, hit the deck", "six bells, hit the deck" well the old sailor was quite angry, and told the parrot I can't have none of this, I’ am retired and don't have to get up that early any more, so from now on you sleep out with the chickens. The next morning at 6 o’clock he woke up hearing this big noise coming from the chicken house, He goes out there, looks in the window and sees the parrot holding a red chicken around the neck with one wing and slapping him from left to right with his other wing, saying "when I say dress whites I mean dress whites"

A frog called the Psychic hotline and was told, ‘you are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you.’ The frog said; that’s great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?’ ‘No replied the psychic. ‘Next semester in biology class’

Two bats are hanging upside down in a cave. The first bat asks the second, “Do you remember the worst day of your life?” “I sure do. It was the day I had diarrhea.” Replied the second bat.