A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to
Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed
away.

The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her
shipped home for $5,000; or you can bury her here, in
the Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just
have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to
ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be
buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried
here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I
just can't take that chance

A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.

A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man!

He saw the two of them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe.

He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.

"I just can't believe this," the distraught husband said.

The detective said, "What's not to believe? It's right up there on the screen!"

The husband replied, "I can't believe that my wife could be so much fun!"

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile
on its face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet and rolls over and says:
"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."

What kind of hair do oceans have?
Wavy