An elderly woman went to see her doctor about a small problem. She let farts in church let farts at work-let farts at home, but they didn’t smell and you couldn’t hear them. So the doctor told her to take this bottle of pills and come back and see him in a week. She came back a week later mad as hell. Dock those pills you gave me made my farts smell terrible. Doctor told her now that I have your sinus cleared up we well work on your hearing next.

A 50 year old woman goes to the gynecologist for her annual appointment: returning home she was so happy, that her husband asked: “what are you so happy about”, she replied: I am so happy the doctor said I have the tits of a twenty year old. The husband says oh yeah, what did he say about your 50-year-old ass. She happily replied: “ he didn't even ask about you”!

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions", he observed.

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

Big Bob, a strapping lad standing 6ft 5 went to his local Doctor and said, "Doctor, I've got a problem, but if you're going to treat it, first you've got to promise me, and I mean it - not to laugh." "Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient. And you're a mighty big fellow for anyone to be laughing at!" "Okay then," Bob said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had seen in all his years. Unable to control himself, the doctor fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure. "I'm so sorry," he said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it absolutely will not happen again. Ever. Now what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen!"