“Will you tell the court how far you were from the spot where the shooting occurred?”
asked a defense lawyer.
“I was exactly ten feet, two-and-one-half inches,” replied the witness.
“How can you be sure of the exact distance?” asked the lawyer.
“I carefully measured it because I was sure sooner or later some fool would ask that question.”

Q: How was copper wire invented?
A: Two lawyers were arguing over a penny.

In court to answer a paternity suit, fourteen-year-old Pete stood at his lawyer’s side. To emphasize the inaccuracy of the charge, the attorney unzipped the boy’s pants and held his flaccid member. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,” the lawyer said, rattling the organ. “I ask you to study this undeveloped penis. Examine this limp, preadolescent genital and ask yourself, ‘Is it possible that he could have fathered a baby with this!’”
Suddenly, from the corner of is mouth, Pete said, “Psst! Mr. Bigshot! If you don’t let go real soon, we are going to lose this case!”

A small town that cannot support one lawyer can always support two.