A couple is getting ready for bed. After being in bed for a while the husband gets up again, goes to the bathroom, and comes back with a glass of water and two aspirins. He
gives the water and the aspirins to his wife; surprised she asks: “What are those for?”
The husband says, “They are for you.” His wife says, “Why”? I don’t have a headache.”
The husband turns to her and says, “Gotcha!”

Many a person would ask what is a man's perfect breakfast. This is when an English breakfast is set before him with fresh orange juice. On his right is the Vogue and his daughter is smiling happily on front, on his left his very successful son on the Time's cover. Then when he opens the middle page of the Playboy, he finds his girlfriend on it, and while he throws some more milk in to his coffee, he sees his wife's face on the carton.

A young couple, just married, was in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband who was a big burly man tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here, put these on."

She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said.

"That's right," said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man and I wear the pants in this family."

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.

"Heck," he said, "I can't get into your panties!"

She replied, "That's right, and that's the way its going to be until your attitude changes!"

Q. How are marriage and a tornado alike?
A. They both start with a lot of blowing but in the end you lose your house.