Concerned about his heavy drinking, a man went to see a psychiatrist who told him: “You use alcohol as a crutch.” The man said: “So how come I fall over when I’m drunk?”

A young girl is feeling under the weather so she goes to the family doctor. “Young lady,” says the doctor, “you’re pregnant.”
“But that can’t be. The only men I’ve been with are nudists, and in our colony we practice sex only with our eye.”
“Well, my dear,” said the physician, “someone in that colony is cock-eyed.”

A guy is at his wit’s end due to his wife. He makes an appointment with a psychiatrist. “What seems to be the problem, sir?” the doctor asked. “It’s my wife. She needs sex twenty-four seven. I come home she wants to blow me. I go to sleep, she wants to fuck me. What do I do about her?” “Tell her to make an appointment with me immediately,” says the doctor.

A man told the doctor: ‘my wife’s pregnant, but we haven’t had sex in over a year. I don’t understand it.’ The doctor said: ‘It’s what we in the medical profession call a grudge pregnancy.’ ‘What’s a grudge pregnancy?’ asked the man. The doctor replied: ‘Well, somebody’s obviously had it in for you.’