An old woman walked into her local butchers. While she waits she asked the butcher 'where is Billy your apprentice?' 'I fired him,' replied the butcher.
'Why did you do that?' 'I found him with his penis in the meat mincer'
Shocked the old lady replied 'And what did you do with the meat mincer?'
'I fired her too' said the butcher.
Definitions:
Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys,
being assaulted by your wife with a broom,
and having the guts to ask:
"Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the guys,
smelling of perfume and beer, with lipstick on your collar,
slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say:
"You're next."
Better swallow viagra fast or you'll get a stiff neck!
A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, all of his own, he went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him, as they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, let’s go to my apartment....I hear somebody coming.
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best feature?' Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.'
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'my ears?!?!?'' Look at these breasts. They are a full 38 inches and 100% natural. I work out every day and my buns are firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?'
Clearing his throat, he stammered... 'Outside, when you said you heard someone coming...That was me.'
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