Did you hear about the police department that found a mother dog about to give birth to a bunch of puppies? The officers were told to bring her in and adhere to "the litter of the law"!

There was this old woman who simply couldn’t stop taking in stray cats. Finally, her landlady was forced to evict her. And she explained it to the woman. “We can no longer tolerate your add-a-puss complex.”

A man was walking past a shop when he saw a parrot showing his ass hole to him. So he went inside and complained, the next day the parrot had tape all round his beak and bottom. But there was a piece of paper saying WANKER on it.

Kathleen gets out of bed, throws on her robe and slippers, uncovers the parrot, pulls up the shades, opens the window, puts on the coffee, and sits down to read the paper. The phone rings. A man’s voice says with anticipation. “Sweetie, I just flew in from London I’ll be right over.”
She puts down the paper, turns off the coffee, closes the windows, pulls down the shades,
Covers the parrot, takes off her robe and slippers, and gets back into bed.
The parrot says, “Damn! That was a short day.”