A little girl was reading a book with her grandfather, and every once in while she would touch her grandfather's wrinkly face and then touch her own. One time she ask him,” Grandpa, did God make you?" The old man replied,” Yes, he made me a long time ago.” The little girl questioned him again,” Grandpa, did God make me?" The old man again replied,” Yes, he did, not too long ago." The little girl then said,” God’s getting better at it isn't he?"

"Pastor, I'm embarrassed that George keeps going to sleep every Sunday, shortly after you begin preaching,” Eleanor Jones told Rev. Mitchell.

"Oh, Eleanor, it's really okay; but if you want to cure him I have the perfect solution. It's worked on many a husband I've known," the minister returned. "Go down to the supermarket this week and find you some fresh Limburger cheese. Put a hunk of it in your purse next Sunday morning, as you're getting ready for church. Then, when he starts nodding off, take that cheese out and drag it under his nose. It won't take very many times of that to cure him."

So the next Sunday morning, Eleanor followed the directions exactly. Just as predicted, it got immediate results. Without opening his eyes, George stretched, yawned, and then yelled: "Aw, Eleanor! Get your stinking' feet off my pillow!"

These brothers were incredibly mean---they lied, cheated, stole, blackmailed, you name it, they did it. Well, anyway, they managed to acquire a lot of money. Then, one of the brothers died. The other brother came to the local priest and said, "You know how much you've been wanting to get a new bell tower on the church? Well, if, during my brother's funeral, you call him a saint, I'll write you a check for the tower right here and now." Well, the priest thought about it and agreed.

However, during the funeral, the priest was completely cruel to the deceased brother, and highlighted each of his faults. (it was a very long speech) Of course, the brother that was listening was very angry, as the priest was not following through on the deal. But, being a priest, lying was horrible, and the eulogy ended with "but, compared to his brother, he was a saint."

"A Preacher was standing at the Pulpit giving his Sunday sermon,when a note was passed to him.The only word written on the sheet was "FOOL".
Looking up at the Congregation,the preacher smiled and said "I have heard of men who write letters and forget to sign their names,but this is the first time I have seen a man sign his name and forget to write the letter"