Q: Why does the bride smile when she walks down the aisle?
A: She realizes that she's given her last blowjob.

A couple was down on their luck and needed money in a hurry, so the wife decided to become a hooker till they had the money they needed. One day she went out and when she came home she had 300 dollars and 5 cents, her husband said "honey who gave you 5 cents?" she said "they all did".

The husband decides to change his agenda a little to put some spice into his love life, so he writes to his wife:

My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, with your age, 54 year old body, can no longer supply, I am very happy with you and value you as a good wife. Therefore after reading this fax, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the comfort Inn Hotel' Please don't be perturbed. I shall be back home before midnight.

When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining room table.

My Dear Husband,
I received your fax and thank you for being honest. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, my tennis coach, who, like your secretary is also 18 years old. As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference. 18 goes into 54 more often than 54 into 18, therefore, I will not be back before lunchtime tomorrow

A man is having an affair with his secretary and the passions overwhelm them one day shortly before he's due home to have dinner with his wife. He quickly starts getting dress and tells his lover the secretary to go out in the yard with his shoes and rub them all over the lawn. When gets home he finds an angry wife who says," why are you late for dinner", he replies" well honey I am going to be perfectly honest with you, I’m having an affair with my secretary!" she replies "Why you lying no good son of a buck, you've been out golfing again look at your shoes!