KFC had been having months of bad sales. The President of KFC calls up the Pope and asks him to consider changing the lords prayer from give us this day our daily bread to give us this day our daily chicken. And he was willing to donate 1 million dollars to the Catholic Church. And the Pope quickly denied his request. After another month of bad sales for KFC, the President of KFC called up the Pope and again requested that he change the Lord’s Prayer and that he would donate 5 million dollars to the Catholic Church. The Pope denied the request. The another month of bad sales went by and the President of KFC called the Pope one last time and said " Please I will give you 10 million dollars to change the Lord's prayer from give us this day our daily bread to give us this day our daily chicken" The Pope asked him to wait and that he would talk to his bishops and call him back. The Pope gathered his bishops and told them the news. I have some good news and some bad news. KFC is going to give us 10 million dollars to change the Lords prayer from give us this day our daily bread to give us this day our daily chicken. The bad news is now we have lost the wonder bread account.

Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting, reassured him by his bed. "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"
"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Then can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun.
"I'm afraid I cannot, Sister." "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questioned sternly. "Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun."
"Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters - they are married to God."
"Wonderful," said Mr. Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law."

A man dies in a town, and the local preacher is given the task of performing the eulogy. He knows not what to say, for the man was a known scoundrel, swindler, and general bad guy. As the preacher is working on the eulogy, the man's brother enters his office. The brother informs the preacher that he would like him to say that the dead man was a saint in the eulogy. The preacher refuses and says that in no way will he lie! The brother offers him $100,000 for the church, if the preacher will do it. The preacher, knowing what sad shape the church is in, is in a quandary. He can't lie, but they need the money. When it came time to deliver the eulogy, he had his answer:
"Dear Friends, this man lying before you was a scoundrel, a swindler, and a cheat. BUT, compared to his brother, he was a SAINT!"

Pat and Mike were walking down the street, when they came to the church, Pat says, 'Mike, you wait here, I'm going to run in for confession, it's been a long time'. Pat enters the confessional and says,' Father forgive me, I have sinned with a married woman'. The priest asks, 'was it Mrs. Murphy'? 'no, Father', was the reply. 'Was it Mrs. O'Boyle'? Again the reply was 'No, Father'. 'was it Mrs. O'Grady'? Pat said, Father, I'll not be telling you the lady's name! So the priest told him to say 2 Hail Mary's for each time he had sinned with the woman. Back on the street, Mike said, 'well, how did you do'? Pat said, 'Just fine, I kept me mouth shut and got 3 new prospects'!