A woman walks up to her husband and says "Honey, give me $100.00. I found a beautiful dress I want, and it's on sale!
The husband, without taking his eyes off the TV, says "I'm not gonna give you $100.00. You have plenty of dresses."
The wife says "We both work and it's not just your money. It's our money. Give me $100.00.
The husband turns off the T.V., stands, and takes off his pants.
"Put these on!" he says.
The wife looks at his huge britches, and says, "I can't wear your pants, and they’re too big." The man, with a satisfied smile, says "That's right...'cause I wear the pants in the family".
The wife takes off her pants and says, "Put these on!!!
The husband says, "I can't get into your pants!"
The wife, with a satisfied smile, says "That's right.... you can't.... and you won't.... until I have that $100.00!!!

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Q. What is the difference between a new wife and a dog?
A. “After a year, the dog is till excited to see you.”

Two women walking home after a heavy night on the booze, needed to pee, so they ducked into a graveyard. They had no toilet paper so, one woman used her knickers and threw them away the other used a ribbon from a wreath. The next day their husbands were talking "we'd better keep an eye on our wives one said, mine came home without her knickers" "you think that is bad" said the other "mine came home with a card stuck in her arse, saying, from all the guys at the fire station we'll never forget you"