One evening a Husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it will take a few inches off of your butt!'

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.

'April',he hollered into the bathroom,'Why did you put Talcum Powder in my underwear?'

She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!!!

When the wife learned her husband had taken a mistress, she demanded, “Does this mean that you’ve had enough of me?” “No, my dear,” he calmly replied. “It means that I haven’t had enough of you.”

A researcher phones one of the participants in a recent survey to check on a discrepancy. He asked the man, “In response to the question on frequency of intercourse you answered ‘twice weekly.’ Your wife, on the other hand, answered ‘several times a night’” “That’s right,” replies the man, “And that’s how it’s going to stay until our second mortgage is paid off.”

A husband suspects his wife is having an affair. He needs to go on a business trip for several days, so he decides to set a trap for her. He puts a bowl of milk under the bed. From the bed springs, he suspends a spoon. He has it calibrated so that her weight on the bed will not drop the spoon into the milk. But, if there is any more weight than that, the spoon will drop into the milk and he will detect it upon his return home.
When he returns home several days later. The first thing he does is reach under the bed and retrieves the bowl. It’s full of butter.