"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose
woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later,
so you may as well tell me now."
"Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Volpe?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration.
"You're very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that.
"But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar
boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over
and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads"

A young woman went to confession.
Upon entering the confessional she said, "Forgive me
Father, for I have sinned."
The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad
passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Take seven
lemons and squeeze them into a glass and then drink it."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest said "NO, but it will wipe the smile off of your face."

Benny was talking to his best friend Sam. "Don't tell anyone, Sam, but mine Sadie once again had a headache last night."
"Really? " said Sam.
"Yes," replied Benny, "it's been like this for some weeks now and I've been thinking that they must have named a Jewish holiday after my sex life."
"Which one?" Sam asked.
"Passover” replied Benny.

Anally - occurring yearly
Artery - study of paintings
Bacteria - back door of cafeteria
Barium - what doctors do when treatment fails.
Benign - what you be after you be eight
Bowel - A, E, I, O, or U
Caesarian section - district in Rome
Cats scan - searching for kitty
Cauterize - made eye contact with her
Colic - sheep dog
Coma - a punctuation mark
Condom - small apartment complex
Congenital - friendly
D+C - where Washington is
Diaphragm - drawing in geometry
Diarrhea - journal of daily events
Dilate - to live long
Enema - not a friend
Fallopian Tube - part of a TV set
Fester - quicker
Fetus - character in "Gunsmoke"
Fibula - a small lie
Genitals - people of non-Jewish origins
G.I. Series - soldiers' ball game
Grippe - suitcase
Hangnail - coat hook
Impotent - distinguished, well known
Intense pain - torture in a teepee
Labor pain - got hurt at work
Medical staff - doctor's cane
Menopause - button on the VHS remote control
Menstrual cycle - thing with three wheels
Morbid - higher offer
Node - was aware of
Outpatient - person who had fainted
Pap smear - fatherhood test
Pelvis - cousin of Elvis
Post operative - letter carrier
Protein - favoring young people
Rectum - d*mn near killed 'em
Recovery room - place to do upholstery
Rheumatic - amorous
Scar - rolled tobacco leaf
Scrotum - small planet near Uranus
Secretion - hiding anything
Seizure - Roman emperor
Serology - study of knighthood
Tablet - small tablet
Terminal illness - sickness at airport
Testicles - found on an octopus
Tibia - country in North Africa
Tumor - an extra pair
Umbilical chord - part of a parachute
Urine - opposite of you're out
Vagina - heart trouble
Varicose - located nearby
Vein - conceited
Vulva - automobile from Sweden