Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty
badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the
body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer were
sent for.
Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Daryl said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him
over." The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope,
ain't Bubba."

The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he
brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer
took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real
bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it
ain't Bubba."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two a......."

"What? He had two assholes! said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone in town knew he had two a........ Every
time we went to town, folks would say, “Here comes Bubba with them two a.........”

Two morons are riding around looking for a place to have a picnic. One moron says, "Hey, lets have a picnic over there under that tree." The other moron says," No, no, lets have it in the middle of the road." They fought and came to a decision to have it in the middle of the road. Not long afterwards a car came speeding towards them, swerved off the road and ran into the tree. One moron says, “See if we were over there we would be dead right now."

Don't you just love............

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where
my watch is pal, where is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I
ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room
for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the
channel manually.

3. When people say, "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
That’s right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is.
Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this?
Who and where are they? (The asylum is my guess)

5. When something is 'new and improved!’ Which is it? If it's new, then
there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there
must have been something before it.

6. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?".
Yes, the bus has come. That's why I'm standing here waiting for it

7. People who say things like 'my eyes aren't what they used to be. So
what did they used to be? Ears, gum, boot?

8.When your eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's
really revolting, I always eat stuff I hate.

9. People who announce they are going to the toilet.
Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

10. When you're involved in an accident and someone asks 'Are you alright?’
Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.

There was this man who was just getting married, but he didn't know how to have sex. So he asked his dad, "What do I do?" His dad said, "Take a walkie-talkie with you and I will tell you what to do” So he gets married and carries his newly wed into the honeymoon suite and throws her on the bed. He walks into the other room and calls his dad on the walkie-talkie, "Dad, what do I do?" "Ok, first take off her clothes and start kissing her." So, he does what his dad said. Then he goes into the room and calls him, "Now what?" "Then you start touching her." So he starts to touch her. Then he goes back to the walkie-talkie, "NOW what?" "Ok, son," replies his dad. "Now here comes the best part. Take what you and me BOTH have.... and stick it into her!" So the man runs into the room and sticks the walkie-talkie into her.