Q. Why does a DOG lick his balls
A. Because he CAN!

Alison Jane wanted a parrot for a long time. Finally she got the nerve to go get one. She walked into the down town pet store and she found the one parrot she wanted. She asked the clerk why the bird had strings on its feet. The store owner replied” well this bird used to be in a circus, so when you pull the string on the left leg it says, “ hello there”. And when you pull the string on the right leg, it says, “bye". Allison Jane then asked what happens when you pull both at the same time? "Wakk, I’ll fall off my perch you idiot! Replied the parrot.

A guy walks into a bar with a pet monkey. The monkey begins running around and jumps onto a pool table and swallows one of the pool balls whole. The bartender/owner sees this just as it is happening. Furious he makes the man and his monkey leave. A few weeks later, the same man and his monkey walk into the same bar. The bartender, not paying attention as he is talking with one of his regulars, sees the monkey just as it jumps onto the bar, takes a peanut out of the bowl, inserts it into its behind, pulls it back out, then eats it. The bartender, angry, yet curious, again tells the man to leave. As the man is leaving, the bartender asks the man, "Hey buddy, why did your monkey do that with the peanut?" The man replied, "Well, ever since he passed that pool ball, he measures everything before he eats it."

There once was a little ant whose grandmother lived on the other side of the river. The grandma was sick and couldn't fend for herself, so every day the little ant trekked across a bridge with a basket of food. One day a terrible flood washed the bridge away and left the river higher than ever.
"Great! Now what do I do?" thought the ant, pouting. Well, bathing in the river was a huge elephant. "I know!" she thought. She shouted, "Hey, Mr. Elephant! Can you help me out here? I must get to the other side!"
"No problem," he replied. "Just climb over me and I'll carry you to the other side." No sooner said than done.
Once safely on the other side, the little ant said, "Oh thank you! Thank you, Mr. Elephant! And may you have a great day."
"Hold on, sister," he replied. "There's no such thing as a free ride. Now take off your underwear!"