A man and a woman are about to make love for the first time. As the man takes off his pants the woman looks down and sees that he has five penises. “That is amazing,” she says. “Yeah,” says the man “I’ve” had them all my life.” “Tell me,” says the woman, “how do you wear underwear?” “It fits,” says the man, “like a glove.”

Alphonse: “My wife and I argue a lot. She’s very touchy – the least little thing set her off.”
John: “You are really lucky. Mine is a self-starter.”

Two buddies are sharing drinks while discussing their wives. “Does your wife ever do it doggy style?” asked one of the guys. “Not exactly,” his friend replies. “She’s more into being a trick dog.” “Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?”
“Well, not exactly. Whenever I make a move, she rolls over and plays dead.”

Two friends are standing at a whorehouse door. The first one says, “I heard half these broads have the clap and all of ‘em are thieves.” The second friend says, “Not so loud, or they won’t let us in.”