The three stages of marital sex: Honeymoon sex. - Where you have sex three or four times a night; Vacation sex. – Where you have sex ten or twelve times a year; Oral sex. - Where you stand on the opposite side of the room and shout “F.U!”

“How did this accident occur?” asked the doctor. “Well,” explained the patient, “I was making love to my girlfriend on the living room rug when, all of a sudden, the chandelier came crashing down on us.” “Fortunately, you’ve only sustained some minor lacerations on your buttocks,” the doctor said. “You are a very lucky man.” “You said it, doc,” exclaimed the man. “A minute sooner and it could have fractured my skull!”

“I’m beat,” confessed the popular sorority girl to her friend. “Last night I didn’t fall asleep until after three.” “No wonder you’re tired,” her friend sympathized. “twice is usually all I need.”

A huge guy marries a tiny girl, and at the wedding, one of his friends asks him, “How the hell do the two of you have sex? The groom says, I just sit there, naked, on a chair, she sits on top, and I bob her up and down. “You know, that doesn’t sound too bad, his friend says. The big guy says, yeah well, it’s like j…..off; only I got someone to talk to.