Non-living things.....

You may not know that many non-living things have a gender.

For example:

1) Ziploc Bags -- They are Male, because they hold everything in, but
you can see right through them.

2) Copiers -- They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while
to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the
right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are
pushed.

3) Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated

4) Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have
to light a fire under it and, of course, there's the hot air component.

5) Sponges -- Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

6) Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.

7) Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

8) Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight can shift to the
bottom.

9) Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000
years, but it's handy to have around.

10) Remote Control -- Female. Ha! You thought it'd be Male. But consider
this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he
doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying...

A famous British aviator relates:
Women pilots relate every aspect of their lives to aviation.
The first lady said her lover was like a Cessna Aero-bat got up to operating height very quickly, capable of amazing aerobatics, but with a short duration.
The second lady likened her man to a Piper Cherokee - slow to climb, but with an endurance of no less than 4 hours.
The third lady thought hers was like a Tiger Moth, coming out once a year for the annual display, and relying on a hand start.

Element : Woman
Symbol : Wo (woe is me)
Atomic mass : Accepted as 53.6 kg may vary from 40 – 200 kg
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas

Physical properties :
1. Surface usually covered in painted film
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason
3. Melts if given special treatment
4. Bitter if incorrectly used
5. Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied at correct pints

Chemical properties :
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man

Common uses :
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation
3. Very effective cleaning agent

Test :
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

Potential hazards :
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.

Warning

PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE PHYSICAL, MENTAL, AND FINANCIAL DAMAGE

Eve, in the Garden of Eden, said, “God, I have a problem.
It’s a beautiful garden, but I’m lonely and I’m sick of eating apples.”
“Okay,” God said. “I’ll create a man for you.”
Eve said, “What’s a man?”
“He is a creature with aggressive tendencies and an enormous ego who doesn’t listen and gets lost a lot, but he’s big and strong, he can open jars and hunt animals, and he’s fun in bed.”
“Sounds great!” said Eve.
“There’s just one thing. He’s going to want to believe I made him first.”