While having drinks a man and a woman got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this: when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?"

A man is like a deck of cards:
You need a heart to love him, a diamond to marry him, a club to smash his f...ing head in and a spade to bury the bastard!

A lawyer had just hired a new secretary. His secretary walks in with some papers and noticed that his fly was open. She tells him, "Hey, the barracks door is open." He didn't understand what she was talking about, and then he happened to look down and see that his zipper was open. Later, his secretary walks in and he says to her, "By the way, when you noticed that the barracks door was open, did you happen to see a soldier standing there?" she replies simply but nicely, "No, all I saw was an old veteran sitting on two saddle bags."

Q. What do you call 5 gay guys standing in a circle?
A Fruit loop.