A missionary met a lion as he was walking from one village to another.
The missionary fell to his knees and buried hi face in his hands. Nothing seemed to be happening; the lion was silent. The missionary peeped through his fingers and saw the lion on its knees, its face buried in his paws. The missionary in a trembling voice, “I am praying to be delivered from the jaws of death. But what on earth are you doing?”
The lion growled, “I’m saying grace.”

The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. Without much of a choice, the chauffeur climbed in the back of the limo and the Pope took the wheel.
After gleefully accelerating to about 90 mph, the Pope was pulled over by the State Patrol. The trooper came to his window, took a look inside, and said, "Just a moment, please. I need to call in."
The trooper called in and asked for the chief. He told the chief, "I've got a REALLY important person pulled over and I need to know what to do."
The chief replied, "Who is it? A senator?"
The trooper said, "No, even more important."
The chief asked, "It's the Governor, isn't it?"
"No. More important."
"The President?"
"No. More important."
"Well, Who the heck is it?!," screams the chief.
"I don't know," said the trooper. "But he's got the Pope as a chauffeur."

A very religious man wanted to prove his faith in God. So, he tied himself to a pylon in the ocean, with the water up to his chest. As the tide started to come in, a boat came by. The man in the boat said, "Hey, what are you doing? Get in my boat and I will save you." At which time the man said that he had total faith in God and that He would not let him drown. As the water neared his head, another boat came by. The man stopped and said the same thing. To which the near drowning man stated, "I have total faith in my God. He will not let me drown." So, the boat went away. A third boat came by. This boater was frantic, being that the water was lapping at the man's nose. But the response was the same. As the last boat left, the water rose above his head and the man drowned. Walking around Heaven, the man was clearly confused. Then he saw God. "Lord, I had total faith in You. Why would You let me down like that? You made no effort to stop the tide!" At which time God stated, "Holy Cow, man, what more did you want from Me? I sent you three boats!!!"

One Sunday, a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money. He asked the people to consider donating a little more than usual into the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns. After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in the offering.
He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly looking lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front.
Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanks asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three most handsome men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."