A guy staggers to the bathroom, whipping out his penis even before he gets through the door. Inadvertently, he’s wandered into the ladies room by mistake, surprising a woman primping in the mirror. “
This is for ladies!” she screams. The drunk waves his dick at her and says, “So is this!”

Q: Every guy has one, some are longer and some are shorter, and he gives it to his wife when they get married, what is it?

A: His last name!

"Sir, you are parking in a disabled only space, may I ask what is your disability?" said the policeman, observing a perfectly fit and healthy man parking his car.
The man replied "Tourettes. Now f*** off"

The young woman had just purchased some lingerie and asked the clerk if she might have the sentence “If you can read this, you are too damn close” custom embroidered on her panties. “Yes, madam,” said the clerk. “I’m quite certain that can be done. Would you prefer block of script letters?”
“Braille,” said the young woman.