A number of showgirls were entertaining the troops at a remote Army camp. They had been performing all afternoon and were not only tired but also very hungry. Finally, at the close of the show, the major asked, “Would you girls like to mess with the enlisted men or the officers this evening?”
“Either way,” spoke up one of their number. “But we’ve just got to have something to eat first.”

An honored army general was at the doctor’s office for a checkup. At one point during the exam the doctor said, “If you don’t mind my asking, sir, when was the last time you had sex?” “Of course, I understand, medical reasons and all that,” the general answered. “I would say approximately 1975.” “So, you’ve been inactive for quite some time.” “You think so?” The general checked his watch. “It’s only 2140 now.”

On the battlefield an Officer orders a Soldier to try and save a military warehouse that’s been set on fire by the enemy. To get to a hose the soldier dodges bullets, wipes out a machine gun nest and blows up an enemy tank. He then climbs all over the burning building and extinguish every flame he can find. On the way back he kills three men barehanded, shoots down and enemy helicopter and destroys and enemy base. The Officer salutes him. “That was the most heroic thing I ever saw,” he says. “You’ll get a medal for saving hat warehouse” “Warehouse?” says the soldier, “Shit! I thought you said, ‘whorehouse’!”

A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Washington bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come to work for him as his valet.
“Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the army,” the general said. “Nothing to it --- you’ll catch on again fast.” Next morning promptly at seven o’clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general’s bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gently shake, strode around to the other side of the bed, spanked his employer’s wife on her bottom and said, “OK, sweetheart, it’s back to the village for you.”