Q. What do you get when one tree invites a couple of trees to his house?
A. A lumber party

A man wrote a letter, Dear Abby, I need some advice. I think my wife is cheating on me. She tells me that she is going out with the girls about three times a week and when I ask who the girls are she says they are girls from the office and that I wouldn't known them. She often gets in after midnight and the other night I waited up and she came walking in and I heard a car drive off around the corner from our house. So, I decided to catch her. I moved my big Harley motorcycle to a place that I could see around the corner. I was crouched down behind my Harley when I noticed an oil seal had failed and oil was leaking out. My question Abby is, "Should I take my Harley to a dealer to have the oil seal repaired or should I attempt to make the repairs myself?

Two lonely guys are talking over lunch. The first guy says, “You would not believe what happened this morning. A girl rode up to me on her bike, took off all her clothes, and said, ‘Take whatever you want!’ So I took the bike.”
The second guy says, “Good choice. Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy:
" i'm gonna have the day off - i'm gonna pretend i'm mad. he starts up the rafter, lays upside down, and shouts: " I'm a lightbulb! i'm a lightbulb! " Murphy watches in amazement. the foreman shouts: " Paddy you're mad go home! " so, he leaves the site.

Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well. " where the hell do you think you're going? " - asks the foreman. " I can't work in the friggin' dark! " - says Murphy.