"Is there a woman here in need of assistance?" asked the medic from the ambulance as he knocked on the door.

"Yes," replied the man opening the door. "It's my wife. She has an electric vibrator lodged in her."

"Well, we'll have to transport her to the hospital," the medic replied. "Those things can be tricky to remove."

"Never mind," said the husband. "It can wait. We have an HMO which doesn't allow Emergency Room visits except for life threatening incidents. But for now, could you at least turn it off? It's interfering with the TV."

“How did you like your first stay at the nudist camp?” asked one bachelor to his friend.
“Well,” replied his friend, “the first three days were the hardest.”

*Tell him you are not his type...You have a pulse.

Two friends were sitting at a bar recounting their dreams.
One man said fondly; “ I dreamed I was on vacation.” It was just me and my fishing rod and this big beautiful lake. What a dream.
“I also had a great dream,” said the other. “I dreamed I was in bed with two beautiful women and having the time of my life.”
His buddy looked over and exhorted, “You had a dream you had two women, and you didn’t call me? “Oh, I did,” said the other, “but when I called, your wife said you’d gone fishing.”