A guy who has already had quite a few beers enters an already very busy bar and says to the bartender, give me a beer, give everyone in the place a beer and have one yourself. The bartender serves everyone a beer and draws one for himself. He walks over to the benefactor, toasts him and asks for his money. The man tells him that ran out of money a long while back. The bartender physically ejects him from the bar and deposits him prone on the sidewalk. The man picks himself up and strodes back into bar. He crawls on a stool and says to the bartender "give me a beer and give everyone here a beer, but none for you, you get too mean when you drink".

Three ducks where sitting at a bar and the bartender came over to the first duck and says:
"what’s your name and what've you been doing" the duck says " my names Heuie and I’ve been jumping in puddles" ,then the bartender goes over to the second duck and asks, what’s your name and what've you been doing", the second duck says "my names Duie and I’ve been jumping in puddles", then the bartender goes over to the last duck and says "don’t tell me your name is Louie and you’ve been jumping in puddles" the duck replies: "no, my names Puddles and I’ve been having a bad day"!!!

A guy’s is talking to a girl in a bar.
He says,” What’s your name?"
She says, “Carmen."
He says, “That’s a nice name, who named you, your mother?"
She says, “No, I named myself."
He says, “Why Carmen?"
She says, “Because I like cars and I like men.
What's your name?"
He says, "Beerfu**"

A drunk sitting at a bar observes a very snobby woman participating in a wine tasting contest. She was very good at identifying the wine. At the first taste she says; "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1998" and all the people were amazed. At the 2nd try she answers "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1953" and they were once again amazed. Then the drunk pisses in a glass and hands it to her. She tries it and says "Yak, this tastes like piss!" and the drunk says, "Yeah, but what year was I born?"