Mrs. La Grange goes to into a confessional. She says to the priest, “Father, I confess I’ve committed adultery.” The priest says, “Was it against your will?”
Mrs. La Grange says, “No, father, ‘twas against the cupboard, and ya shoulda’ heard the china rattle.”

A punk rocker was brought to the emergency room. The patient had purple hair, and an assortment of tattoos. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. On the operating table, the surgeons noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and just above it there was a tattoo which read, “Keep off the grass.” After the surgical procedure was completed, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing; “Sorry, had to mow the lawn.”

Reminiscing with her girlfriend about their childhood, the young woman asked, “Did you ever play with jacks?”
“Oh, yes,” her friend replied. “And with Johnny’s and Tommy’s, too.

It was a surprise party for one of the girls in the office who was leaving to get married. Most of the other girls wanted to know if the prospective groom was a man of means. “Well,” said the bride-to-be, “he surprised me by saying we were going to spend our honeymoon in France.” The gals tittered excitedly. “How did he spring it on you?” they asked anxiously. “Well, we were discussing it,” she replied, “When he said as soon as we were married he would show me where he was wounded in the war.”