A young guy was laying on his back on a massage table, wearing only a towel over his groin. A young, very attractive Swedish girl was massaging his shoulders, then his chest, and gradually worked her way down his torso. The guy was getting sexually excited as the masseur approached the towel. The towel began to lift and the Swedish girl arched her eyebrows. “You wanna wank?” she asked. “You bet,” was the excited reply. “O.K.,” she said. “I come back in then minutes.”

A man was complaining to a friend, “I had it all …. Money, a magnificent house, a fast car, the love of a beautiful woman … then, poof! It was all gone!” “What happened?” asked his friend. “My wife found out ….”

A renowned teacher and thinker once articulated his philosophy of life in a few words. “When it all boils down to the real meaning of truth,” the philosopher said, “one must live by a dog’s rule of life: If you can’t eat it of F—k it, piss on it!”