Many years ago, at a kosher deli in New York City, the servers were told that they could eat anything they wanted during lunch hour. Anything, that is, except the smoked salmon. Thus were created the world's first anti-lox breaks.

During the Sunday morning sermon on FACT and FAITH the preacher was explaining the difference between the two.
To make an example, he said to his congregation, you see my wife sitting there in the front row, with a new born baby in her arms.
It's a FACT she knows that baby is hers; I have to have FAITH in her that it's mine.

A minister is driving down to Boston and he’s stopped in Manchester for speeding.
The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and sees an empty bottle on the floor.
He asks, “Sir, have you been drinking?” And the minister says, “Just water.”
The trooper says, “Then why do I smell wine?”
The minister looks down at the bottle and says, “Good Lord, he’s done it again!”

The minister was sick, and a pastor noted for is never-ending sermons agreed to fill in.
When he stood up in the pulpit, he was annoyed to find only 10 worshipers present, including the choir. Afterward he complained to the sexton. “That was a very small
turnout,” he said. “Weren’t they informed that I was coming?” “No,” replied the sexton,
“but word must have leaked out!”