“I have nine children and I’ve just found out my husband has never really loved me,” said the distraught woman to her lawyer.
“There, there, my dear,” “Just imagine the fix you would be in today if he had,” said the lawyer.

The lawyer was advising his pretty client. “When we go to court I want you to wear a short skirt.” “But they are not in style,” she protested. “Do you want to be acquitted?” asked the lawyer. “Or do you want to be in style.”

When David retired, he and his wife, who was much younger, moved to Arizona. Once they had settled in, he decided it was time to make a will, so he made an appointment with a lawyer. “It’s nice and straightforward,” he instructed the attorney. “Everything goes to Sarah – the house, the car, the pension, the life insurance – under the condition that she remarries within the year.”
“Fine, Mr. Cohen,” said the lawyer. “But do you mind my asking why the condition?”
“Simple: I want at least one person to be sorry I died.”

After his motion to suppress evidence was denied by the court the angered attorney spoke up, “Your Honor,” he said, “What would you do if I called you stupid, degenerate, old fool.” The Judge, now also angered, answered, I would hold you in contempt of court and seek to have you suspended from practicing before this court again!” “What if I only though it?” asked the attorney. “In that case, there is nothing I could do; you have the right to think whatever you want.” “Oh, I see. If it pleases the court, let the record reflect, that I ‘think’ you’re a stupid, degenerate, old fool.”