In the bar at the top of the Empire State Building there are two men sitting together. Guy #1 says to Guy #2, "I bet you that I can jump out of that window over there and come up those stairs in just 2 seconds." Guy #2 doesn't believe him so he says, "I'd like to see you try!" Then Guy #1 jumps out the window and appears at the top of the stairs in just under 2 seconds. Guy #2 is flabbergasted. Guy #1 then bets that he can jump out the window and come up the stairs with a beautiful woman in his arms. Guy #2 says, "That's impossible!!" Guy #1 says, "You just watch." He does it and Guy #2 is really impressed but thinks: "Hey, this guy is really drunk so if he can do it, so can I." He decides to try to show up this other guy and he jumps out the window. He splats himself all over the sidewalk. Guy #1 watches him plummet to his messy death, laughs to himself at his own triumph, and walks back to the bar and resumes his seat. The bartender says, "Superman, you're really a jerk when you're drunk!"

This guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. Sits down and notices another guy at the end of the bar everything normal about him except his head is the size of a cue ball. So he grabs his beer and approaches the guy. Say is that a birth defect? No, I got this fishing! Fishing? Ya, I was fishing in the ocean when I landed this mermaid. She said if I let her go, she would grant me three whishes. I said fine. Give me a fleet of fishing boats, one million dollars, and I want to have sex with you. Sex? She replied. Don’t be silly you can’t have sex with a mermaid, our body parts don’t match. So I said how about a little head.

A guy walks into a bar and asks for a shot of 15-year-old scotch, the bartender thinks that he doesn’t know the difference so he gives him a shot of 5-year-old scotch. The guy drinks it and says, "Yuck that isn't 15 year old scotch, that’s 5 year old scotch. The bartender thinks to himself "alright lucky guess" so the bartender gives him a shot of 10 year old scotch and the guy drinks it and say "nope that still isn't fifteen year old scotch, that is ten year old scotch, give me a shot of fifteen year old scotch now". So the bartender thinks, "wow this guy knows his scotch" so he pours him a shot of fifteen year old scotch and the guy drinks it down and says " Mmmm that’s the stuff. Meanwhile a drunk from across the bar stumbles over the scotch drinker and gives him a shot and says "take this" so the scotch drinker takes it and spits it out right away and say "yuck that tastes like piss." The drunk says, "Yea how old am I!"

A prostitute is having a slow night and walks into a bar. She notices that the bar is empty except for the bartender and a koala bear sitting at the end of the bar. She thinks for a little bit, and goes up to the koala bear. She asks him if he'd like to go home with her. The koala bear thinks about it, looks at her, and then hops off his stool. They go back to her place and have a good ole time. In the morning, the koala bear hops off the bed and starts to walk out the door. The prostitute gets up and tells him he needs to pay her. The koala bear looks back at her confused. She immediately thinks, oh you don't understand. She goes over to the bookshelf and grabs the dictionary. She flips the page to prostitute and it reads: Renders services and must be paid. The koala bear then takes away the dictionary and flips it to koala bear and it reads: Eats bush and leaves.