A man walks into a bar with a huge parrot on one shoulder and a cat on the other. He asks the bar tender what the drink special is for the day. He then orders a beer for the parrot, a beer for himself, and the special for the cat. When he pays for the drinks the bartender notices that he pulls out the exact change from his pocket. As the night progresses he orders more and more rounds each time the same. The bartender confused finally asks the man "Each time you order a round you get the same for the parrot and yourself and the special for the cat, I also noticed that each time you pay you pull the exact change from your pocket." He then asks the man "How do you do that??" The man with a sad look proceeds to tell "Well I found a magic lamp and the genie agreed to grant me 3 wishes, the first wish was to have enough money to buy anything I wanted, the second was for a big bird, and the third was for a cheap pussy, and here I am!"

A woman walks into a bar and orders a Budweiser. Drinks the beer and passes out cold. The bartender figures what the heck, takes her out in the alley and screws her. The next night the same woman comes in, orders a Budweiser, drinks it and passes out. The bartender didn't want her again so he tipped other guys in the bar. The next night she was back in the bar again. "Gimme a Schlitz" she said... "I thought you drank Budweiser" the bartender replied. "I used to," she said "but it made my pussy sore”!!!

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink, as the man is sucking down the drink he looks over and notices a dog licking his nuts. The man thought nothing of it and orders another drink. Time goes by and the man notices the dog still licking his balls. So the man looks at the bartender and says, "Man, I wish I could do that” so the bartender looks at the man and says, "go ahead he does not bite!"

The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. I assume, she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?" "There is," he replied. "Breakfast."