Two cowboys are standing at a bar drinking cold beers. They are looking back at an attractive woman sitting at a nearby table eating a sandwich and drinking a beer. All of a sudden the woman starts coughing and looking scared. The cowboys watch for a minute and one asks the woman, "Ma'am, are you alright?" The woman shakes her head no and is waving her hand. The cowboys watch a few seconds more and notice the woman is starting to turn blue. The cowboy asks, "Ma'am, can you breathe?" The woman shakes her head no very quickly.

The cowboy gets up and goes over to the table. He stands the woman up, pulls up her skirt and licks her from the back of her knee to the middle of her back. The woman shudders and coughs hard and out pops the portion of the sandwich. The cowboy calmly walks back to the bar and takes a drink of his beer.

The cowboy next to him says, "Damn, I heard about that there hind-lick maneuver but I never seen it done."

A 72years old who loves to fish was sitting in his boat and heard a voice say,
'Pick me up.' He looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.' He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.' “Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I’ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!” The man looked at the frog for a short time,
reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.
The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.' He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, ’Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'

Two South Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes."
Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.
The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets the dean of admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: math, English, history, and logic.
“Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?" He asks.
The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weed eater?"
"Yeah." "Then logically because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard." “That’s true, I do have a yard."
"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I would think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house." “And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family." "I have a family."
"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife."
"Yes, I do have a wife." "And because you have a wife, then logically you must be a heterosexual." "I am a heterosexual. That's amazing; you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater."
Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for math, English, history, and logic. "Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?"
Jim says, "I'll show you. Do you have a weed eater?"
"No."
"Then you're a homosexual."

Frank’s neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the vet. The problem was hair in the ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine.

The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the store and get some 'Nair' hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month. The lady went to the drug store and got some 'Nair' hair remover.
At the register the pharmacist told her, 'If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days. The lady said, 'I'm not using it under my arms.

The pharmacist said... 'If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days. The lady said, 'I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer. The pharmacist said, 'Stay off your bicycle for a week.'