A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next
to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then
casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch
and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's
so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?" she asks.
"Well, it says you're not wearing any knickers..."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then
because I am wearing knickers!"
The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

On their wedding night the husband was so self-conscious about the smallness of his penis that before undressing, he snapped off the light. Once he was in bed, he unzipped his pants and handed his member to his bride.
“That’s thoughtful, darling,” she cooed, “but we’ll need the light if you want to write thank you notes.”

A middle-aged lady was in Europe when she learned that her 100-year-old grand father had died. She was unable to get an immediate flight so; the funeral was over when she reached home. She immediately went to console her 98-year-old grandmother. She asked, “What happened granny?" Granny said, "It was Sunday morning and we were having sex as we did every Sunday when the church bells started to ring. Poppa was great at keeping rhythm with the slow toll of the church bells, you know, ding in and dong out. I think he might have avoided that fatal heart attach if that frigging ice cream truck hadn't passed. His heart just couldn't stand the pace."

One-day tits, ass, and pussy were all having a nice day. Tits asked ass how was his day, he replied, “boring as ever. I did nothing but shit all day.” Then ass asked tits how was their day, they replied, "oh nothing, just a little wet from here and there and always being held”. Pussy was so quiet, so tits and ass asked pussy how was his day, and he replied, “It was terrible, some big guy busted through the door, pinned me on the wall, and spit in my face.”