*What do men and sperm have in common?
Both have one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

A man was walking down the road then he kicked a bottle. All of the sudden a genie popped out, “I will grant you three wishes." The man smiled and said," Ok, I want to be soft to the touch, but hard as a rock and surrounded by pussy." The genie smiled, "Wish granted." The man turned into a tampon.

Talking with a friend on the street corner, the drunk said. “You know, I’ll never forget the first time I turned to the bottle as a substitute for women.” “Why?” said the friend.
“What happened?” The drunk replied, “I got my dong stuck in the bottle.”

Men are like ........ Bananas ..... The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like ........ Vacations ..... They never seem to be long enough.

Men are like ........ Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change them.

Men are like ........ Blenders ..... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

Men are like ........ Chocolate Bars ...... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like ....... Commercials ..... You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like ........ Department Stores ...... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

Men are like ........ Government Bonds ...... They take soooooooo long to mature.

Men are like ........ Mascara ..... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like ........ Popcorn They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Men are like . Snowstorms ...... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

Men are like ........ Lava Lamps ...... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

Men are like ........ Parking Spots ........ All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.