As the Shakespearean actor slipped off his trousers and prepared to join her in bed, the woman he had picked up at the after-party gave an appreciative whistle at his generous endowment. “My dear,” the actor cautioned in response, “we have come to bury Caesar – not to praise him.”

To surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office.
When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting on his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."

A desperate mugger approached a lady and told her to hand over all her money. When she insisted she hadn’t any, he thrust his hand between her big boobs and began feeling around. “I said I did not have any money,” she repeated, “but if you keep that up, I’ll be glad to write you a check.”

A man boarding a plane sat right next to a small boy who looked very nervous. He asked, "Nervous? First time on a plane, son?" "Yes," the boy replied meekly. "Well, we can pass the time by talking and the flight will go like that." He snapped his fingers. "What do you want to talk about?" the boy asked. "Let's talk about Economics." The man responded. "Okay, but first answer this question," the boy replied. "If cows, goats and horses all eat the same food, why does the cow 'go' in big meadow muffins, the goat in tiny pellets, and the horse like grassy chunks?" The man thought for a moment. "Gee, son, I don't know." "Well I guess I can't talk to you then. You don't know shit about shit." Replied the youngster.